Tuesday, April 4, 2017

When I Chose Modesty

When I was in my teens and early 20s, I was extremely immodest. While I was getting ready to go out, my goal was to look as hot as possible and collect as much attention as possible. 

I thought that if I could be the hottest woman in the room, I would be able to capture attention and it would be mine for as long as I wanted. It didn't occur to me that the kind of attention I was seeking is a fleeting kind. In other words, it didn't matter if I was the most beautiful woman that guy had ever seen. The kind of guy who appreciated my immodesty had zero standards whatsoever. He'd hang on my every word until someone else's skin flashed by. He'd flirt with me and then turn around and flirt with every other girl as well. This guy didn't care about whose makeup was better, who was witty, who had better legs, who was nicest, etc. The kind of guy who is attracted to immodesty is only interested in one thing and that's not your heart. This dude has no other standards and sees immodest women as all the same - potential bed partners. 

If you go home with him at the end of the night, it's not because you "won" and it's not because you're the best and all the other women left behind in the club are subpar. It's because you were the first one to say, "yes." And coming from a former hoochie mama, I hate to break it to you; you're easily interchangeable with anyone else who would say "yes."

It wasn't until I went to a strip club for the first time with friends that my eyes opened to the kind of guys I had been seeking attention from. I watched the eyes of the males in there consume flesh without a care. Those eyes didn't care about that woman's story. Those eyes didn't care that she's a single mom trying to make ends meet. Those eyes didn't care that most women in this line of work end up drug dependent because most are incapable of doing this job sober. Those eyes are driven by lust and lust doesn't have standards, it's selfish and just wants to be satisfied and anything'll do. Those eyes don't care if you're the hottest/sweetest/most gifted/funniest woman in town, if you say "yes," you'll do. 

I left that club feeling so down about the world and about men. I remember thinking to myself, that if that's what all men are like, I'd rather never be looked upon again and I'd rather be alone forever. If it's true that all men are dogs, I want no part. 

Thank the Lord that He started talking to me about this! He told me that NO! Not all men desire immodesty. He put some acquaintances in my life who were godly men and pointed out their examples. I saw that these godly men were so different from the guys I used to try to impress with my short skirts and teeny tops. These godly men had their eyes locked onto the Lord and in turn, they only had eyes for their wives/fiancĂ©es. They cherished the woman God put in their life above all other women and they purposefully guarded their eyes for her. It didn't matter how attractive or charming any other woman was, their eyes were loyal to the godly woman in their lives. That godly woman had won! She had beat out all the other women in the world. 

I had been seeking this exact same kind of attention but went about trying to get it from the wrong guys. Males who have an eye for immodesty don't cherish one woman and don't seek to guard their eyes from any other. To them, flesh is flesh. In contrast, the men who seek one woman to love and hold above all the others are probably getting their example from God. And one of the instructions from the Lord is to guard your eyes and not lust after anyone. These godly men are not in strip clubs. These godly men are not giving attention to the scantily clad.

If what you're looking for is a loyal man, consider this, God is explicit in instructing men to stay with their first wife. The Lord wants people to be loyal and stay married. He provides detailed instruction on how to be able to uphold a strong marriage in which the husband places no other woman above his wife and the wife places no other man above her husband. I think we can agree that God supports the idea that you should be special to and cherished by a good man. However, that man deserves a godly woman. One who doesn't show off her goods to anyone she's not married to. 

If what you want is a man who wants you and only you, stop surrounding yourself with and trying to attract lustful guys. If you think it's better to be caught up in drama with a philandering playboy rather than sleep alone, it's time to ask Jesus to put things in perspective. 

Sister, you were fearfully and wonderfully made. God created you so special. He wants you to have His best which is the best! Don't cheat yourself. Instead, seek to please the Lord and He'll inspire your heart to want what He wants for you. On top of that, the Lord will give these things to you as long as you keep following Jesus. So button up/get a larger size and smile because you have now weeded out a good portion of men who you don't want anyway. 

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