Tuesday, December 6, 2016

Hindsight is Blurry

Here I am back in 2010 in my last apartment as a single person.  Because I lived alone, my place smelled like sweet vanilla, was quiet, and clean.  Nowadays, thanks to marriage and motherhood, I live with three males.  It goes without saying that my current home looks, sounds, and smells nothing my former. This morning, I found two pairs of dirty socks within the couch and later, I stepped on chewed up apple in the office.  After cleaning up carpet apple, I came across this photo of myself sitting on my former couch.  So pristine and white and sockless. Despite the blurriness, I stared at this photo with envy.  Here's the problem, when I'm full of complaint, it's easy for me to get sentimental, even wistful of my former home, former life. When we're unsatisfied, our memories get blurred just like this photo.

Matthew Henry says that, "discontent magnifies what is past, and vilifies what is present, without regard to truth or reason." When I looked at this photo of my past, I remembered good stuff like sleeping in, eating cheesecake for breakfast, and dinner parties with girlfriends any night of the week. Just as much, I also forget about past troubles like navigating the dating cesspool, not having family to sit with during special Christmas church services, and no one to help carry groceries after a long day of work. When I was thinking about how cute and comfortable my apartment was, my mind definitely wasn't remembering the more serious difficulties I underwent at the time.  I had many hurts and I was full of emotional quirks and hot buttons by the time that photo was taken.  Because I was single, no one was given the opportunity/close enough to me to point out my many issues to me; let alone pray and share wisdom with me.  It wasn't until I married, that the Lord used Aaron to sort out and heal many of my emotional scars.  It's not until I look back at my past, that I see how burdened I was.

The Lord freed the Israelites and was leading them to a home He had specifically for them - a land of milk and honey. God plagued their enemies, split the Red Sea, and provided water and manna.  Yet, at the first sign of stress in the desert, the Israelites looked back at blurry pictures of their past and wished for an inferior era.  They romanticized their past even though in it, they were enslaved and oppressed.  In the desert, the Israelites complained and said they would rather have died at the hands of their enemies in Egypt than be brought to their current location.

God performed incredible miracles for the Israelites and myself.  He showed signs of love for us and proved His greatness, yet still, as soon as we became discontent, we wanted to go backwards.

Have you found yourself looking back to Egypt?  There's nothing good in doing so.  Wishing for a past the Lord has rescued you from will only increase discontent and encourage you to repeat the same sins from which you were freed.  Remember, when we're unsatisfied, our memories of Egypt, of Sodom, become blurred.  The enemy wants us to remember the perks, however weak and shallow they are, and forget about the bondage from that time.  Let's praise God today for how far He's brought us from the pits we dug for ourselves.  Give Him glory for leading us to the promised land and remember His great works.  Be thankful for the good work Jesus has begun in you and look forward to being far away from that past life.

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